Overlooked Experiences You Didn't Know Were Trauma

Often Overlooked Experiences You Didn't Know Were Trauma By Mindy Gruidl, LPCC

For a long time, trauma was seen only as the big, visible wounds—abuse, violence, catastrophes. But for many people, the most lasting pain came from what didn’t happen. From what was missing. From the subtle, quiet, everyday moments that shaped who they had to become just to feel safe.

Many adults look back on their childhoods and wonder why they still struggle with anxiety, perfectionism, or feeling "not enough." They may have been told they had a “normal” upbringing. No one hit them. They had a roof over their head. Why does our childhood continue to impact our present lives?

Because trauma isn’t just what happened to them---it's also about what they didn't get. It’s the comfort that never came when they cried. The safety they never felt when their dad came home from work. The nurturing they needed but never received.

Some children learned early that crying would be met with rage, being mocked, or silence. So they stopped. They pushed down their feelings, taught themselves that needing comfort would get them in trouble. They grew up detached from their emotions, thinking that being "strong" meant being silent.

Others were forced into adult roles too soon—becoming caregivers for siblings or even for their own parents. They weren’t offered help, only the expectation to manage, to hold it together, to be "mature." No one asked how they were doing.

For some, a parent confided in them in ways that blurred the line between child and friend. That child became the emotional caretaker, carrying burdens far too heavy for young shoulders. It felt like love, but it was really responsibility—a job they didn’t ask for and couldn’t say no to.

Many children had parents who were physically present but emotionally unavailable—or struggling with their own unprocessed trauma, addiction, depression, or deep anger. These kids learned to read the room, to gauge the mood the second they walked in, and to walk on eggshells. That hyper-awareness often grew into people-pleasing in adulthood. Not because they wanted everyone to like them, but because, keeping everyone happy was a matter of emotional survival.

These same children were often never seen for their unique gifts. Their strengths were overlooked, dismissed, criticized, or mocked. Maybe they were told they were too loud, too sensitive, too dramatic, too weird—or not enough. Their creativity, leadership, curiosity, or sensitivity wasn’t nurtured; it was shamed. And so, they dimmed their light to stay safe.

The result? Adults who feel disconnected from who they really are. Adults who are kind and capable—but can't see how great they really are. Who struggle to rest. Who don’t know what they need. Who don't think they deserve any better than the lives and relationships they are settling for.

If this sounds familiar, know this: those experiences were real. They matter. The pain counts, even if others had it “worse.” Even if no one meant to hurt you.

Naming what happened—and what didn’t—is not about blame. It’s about healing. It’s about finally making space for the child who had to grow up too fast. The child who just needed to be held, encouraged, and loved for exactly who they were.

Healing means learning to listen to yourself again. To stop people-pleasing and start self-honoring. To explore who you might have been if you hadn’t needed to perform, shrink, or survive. Trauma therapy can help you get there.

Become the parent to your inner child that you never got growing up.

It’s okay to grieve what you didn’t get. It’s okay to want more now. And it’s never too late to start the healing process.

Trauma therapy, including EMDR and inner child work, can help you process the past in a gentle and safe way. So that you aren't weighed down by the negative beliefs and survival skills you inherited from childhood and can move forward with more freedom.

If you’re ready to start healing, reach out to to schedule a free 15 minute connection call and we can help you finally come home to yourself.